Lifestyles vary, but we always set boundaries. We express our frustration over the behavior and lifestyles of other people. That’s especially so when they ignore normal acceptable behavior and boundaries. Sometimes we forget that boundaries, as well as Lifestyles, can vary greatly from country to country. Between social and economic groups and between individuals.
Every Country has it’s own culture, Laws, rules, and lifestyles. It’s only natural to want to bring these structures into our own homes. We set rules and boundaries within the home, the marriage and the family. Add to that our own personal moral yardstick. We expect our children to accept our lifestyle, along with our own particular moral certainty.
How much do lifestyles matter to kids?
When they are young a child’s home is their universe. When they are old enough and first enter the schoolyard, they bring with them the rules and behaviors from home. This is often the first area of conflict between kids. Obvious differences between cultures and lifestyles are undeniable. The confidence or timidity expressed by a child, is quickly gauged by their peers. Eventually, the rules are set by the strongest personality. That is usually the bully. That’s human nature. It’s only when we rise above our nature and resort to reason that we begin to shine as human beings.
That means, if children are not taught those values at home they will never learn it in school. It also explains why bullying becomes a fact of life not just in the schoolyard but throughout all facets of life. By adulthood we have usually learned to handle bullies in our own way. But to say they never influence our adult lives or have no place in our lifestyles is just plain silly.
Lifestyles of brutes and bullies!
Brutes and bullies first make their mark in the schoolyard. This is where they test their boundaries. Often bullying activities and tactics are examples of the abusive behavior experienced in the home. Kids want to be like mom and dad. Kids from an abusive environment will have a need to validate the ‘right’ behavior. That can only be what they learn at home. So they try to emulate that behavior in the school yard. Over time, our character becomes shaped by our environment, peer groups, role models and life’s pleasures and adversities. The adult will finally emerge with all the qualities, prejudices and attitudes that life has taught them. This then gets passed along to the next generation.
It is unrealistic to say only some behavior and some lifestyles can influence our future. A victim of bullying does not necessarily end up a weak, ineffective adult. Nor does a bully necessarily end up assertive and successful. Often, the opposite proves to be the case. But the fact remains that the adult we become, is the result of all that went before.
If we scratch the mood of any schoolyard, three things stand out: Fun, Fear and intermittent boredom. The thing most commonly derived from fear and boredom is anger. Today, most schools are not safe places. Nor are they a stimulating environment for learning and developing a healthy lifestyle. The system is not designed for that. It was originally created for a social system that wanted to sort out and classify people. It was to make sure children were placed in the right slot and that they learned the right things necessary to fit them into that slot.
Many people accept the practice of ‘breaking in’ an animal. They see it as a positive thing which is better for the animal and its productive future. Given the lifestyles and social attitudes of the nineteenth century establishment. It was to be expected those same practices would be applied to children. These modes and customs have long gone. But the natural culture in our school system still clings to several of those ideals. Although expressed differently, some of the sentiment is still there. For example; many people believe that character building, by instilling the ‘right’ behavior and attitudes should be promoted in our schools.
Brutes and bullies come from all backgrounds and lifestyles and they come in many disguises.
We all know them and if we are honest, we recognize that they leave marks that stay with us forever. Even in our adult lives they can sometimes affect us. It can be the bully who gets in front of your car to grab your parking space. It can be the brute who pushes ahead of you in the queue. It can be the supervisor at work with a self-esteem issue. Or it can simply be the people who flaunt their lifestyles to denigrate yours.
We are shaped by what we learn and experience. It is ridicules to suggest that we can experience bullying and abuse, throughout our early formative years, without any affect on our psyche. It’s equally ridiculous to believe that a life without occasional hardship and adversity, will automatically result in a happy future and a healthy lifestyle. It is what we do with our life and how it shapes us, that determines who we become.
It is normal for some kids to grow up privileged and live ideal lifestyles. While others grow up poor and are deprived of luxury. But in adulthood, success and failure will be found in both groups. Happy lifestyles and healthy people are not about how we start out in life. It’s all about the lifestyles we settle for in the process of growing up. Check out the membership!
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Goldcoast, Qld, Australia
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